You know why women often say “nothing’s wrong” when something is definitely bothering them
It’s because men have been belittling, minimizing and mocking our emotions forever
And we are socialized to be as passive and undemanding and selfless as possible, and not to run any risk of bothering or angering a man lest he abandon or hurt us
It’s not passive aggression, it is fear
oh my god
and then its so highly regarded when men show emotions
Or, you know, something’s bothering you, and the last fucking thing, the absolute last goddamned thing, that you want right now is to discuss it with someone who you’re 95% sure is going to turn around and try to fucking argue you out of being bothered by it.
I mean, has that ever, in the history of vertebrates stomping around on land, fucking worked?
Like, “Oh, you look mad. Something bothering you?” “Yeah, I’m upset about xyz.” “Well, it turns out you shouldn’t be upset about xyz, because Reasons.”
Does anybody ever go “Thank you, kind sir, for curing me of being upset?” No. They don’t. They’re still upset about whatever they were mad at before, and now they’re extra mad at you for being a douche about it. And then, of course, if you call them out for being a douche about it, you get “Don’t take it out on me!”, like it’s impossible that you’re now mad at them for being a douche as well as mad about the original thing.
This is especially true if you either say or come off like you want to say “And also, you being upset is kind of inconvenient, so if you could please stop having inconvenient-to-me emotions, that would be great.” or “Well, okay, you’re upset about xyz but look at all the awful stuff that I’m upset about, please stop paying attention to your hurt feelings and pay attention to my hurt feelings instead.”
Because, again, the last thing you really feel like doing when you’re pissed off or just trying to keep it together or on the verge of breaking down and crying is deal with this extra bullshit that people (and this is usually dudes, but really it can be any emotionally stunted or dickish person) try to shovel at you because it would be easier for them if you just fake-smiled and stopped acting like anything’s wrong, and you’re a lady so they’re reasonably sure you’re not going to haul off and face-punch somebody if they remind you that cool girls don’t get all hysterical and shit.